Why is self compassion so important when Aware Parenting?
When we start learning to listen to feelings and showing up for our children with unconditional love and acceptance, we often don’t know what this looks and feels like.
Most of us grew up with parents who worked from an authoritarian or permissive parenting style. Listening to feelings and showing up as your true authentic self wasn’t always welcomed and embraced.
We acknowledge where we’ve come from, and we know in Aware Parenting that we don’t need to be perfect with our children. We are human and we know that we will inevitably make mistakes as we are learning this new way of being with our children.
Self compassion is about loving yourself however you show up, with true kindness and empathy for ALL of you.
Self compassion can be really challenging to embody and offer yourself if you never experienced true unconditional love and empathy in your own home as a child.
When we act in ways with our babies and children that don’t feel enjoyable such as shouting, we often move into shame and guilt.
Here are some ideas on how you might like to shift some of these feelings into self compassion:
Start catching yourself when you do move into blame and shame and try and speak to the internal dialogue. “okay, I just shouted and that wasn’t great. But I’m doing the best I can right now”
Acknowledge why you’re shouting and own what is happening for you. “I’m feeling like I need to eat, I’m tired, I feel overwhelmed, I feel touched out. “ and then see if you can meet that need eg. eat something nourishing, take a nap or rest, find support and speak to someone about your feelings or ask someone to come over and help so you can have some space.
Commit yourself to growing and evolving as a parent. It’s an on-going journey between you and your child/ren with beautiful opportunities for learning.
Find support whatever that looks like for you. Find someone you can share all your feelings with openly and vulnerably, who can offer compassion and empathy without any judgement or needing to fix you. (In Aware Parenting we call these Listening Partnerships)
Can you offer yourself one loving moment each day? Can you celebrate something you are doing at the end of each night?
Stick kind words or mantras around the house or on your mirror to read first thing each morning.
Have time to reflect on your parenting and honour how amazing you are for relearning new patterns.
Make time to restore yourself and connect inwards by doing activities to nourish you such as yoga, meditation, walks in nature, drinking cups of tea, journaling, painting, dancing and so on.
Learn to embrace, love and own all your messy parts and if that feels hard, find support to re-parent yourself too.
It’s important to remember that we can always repair with our children if we have acted harshly towards them. And it’s important to spend time repairing with ourselves too, in these moments.
We can’t offer unconditional love and accept all of our children, if we aren’t willing to unconditionally love and accept all of ourselves.
I’m sending you much love as you read through these words and if some of this resonates with you and you need some support, I’m here and willing to guide you to find a more compassionate inner voice on your Aware Parenting journey.